Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday … family, turkey and all the “difficult relationships.” LOL! LOL! I will never forget having a holiday with an obstetrician friend and his family. He came out of the kitchen in his scrubs and announced, “The turkey is dilated to four inches and the stuffing is crowning! Let’s eat!” Then his dietitian wife said, “Vegetables are a must when on a diet at Thanksgiving. I suggest pumpkin pie, zucchini bread and carrot cake!”
Now for a bit of history … How many of you know the story about Ben Franklin wanting the national bird to be a turkey? Well, many say it is a myth! Franklin also is said to have written in a letter to his daughter that the “bald eagle” is a bird of bad moral character. He stated that the bald eagle is too lazy to fish for himself, thus he does not get his living honestly. OK, so now you know!
I do find it very ironic that the symbol of the GOP and the GOP itself are going to be made extinct by the same man! (You know his name!)
Back to the holiday … Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Football halftimes last 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence!
Now for some predictions, as we all get old in the end! … Change your car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster! … Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers! (so naughty!) … I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim.” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning! … The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it!” … Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet! … and the grand finale: At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for!
Hey gang, have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth? (Yep, gotcha thinking!)
There was a special senior wedding at The Villages in Florida. Two very active seniors, Jacob, age 92, and Marian, age 89, were all excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll and then went inside the drugstore. Jacob talked to the owner/pharmacist and told him they were about to get married. Jacob then asked the owner, ”Do you sell heart medicine? Oh, and do you sell circulation meds, arthritis meds, suppositories and medicine for impotence?” The owner/pharmacist said, “Yes, a large variety, the works!” Then Jacob asked, “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, heartburn and indigestion?” “Yes, we sell them all!” the pharmacist replied. Finally Jacob asked, ”You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?” The pharmacist replied, “All speeds and sizes!” Jacob then said, “Remember, we’re getting married and we’d like to use your store as our bridal registry!” One more?
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? Someone told him to get a long little doggie!
And time to close with one of my favorite doctor jokes … A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, ”Typhoid, measles, tetanus!” The new nurse asked another nurse, “Why is he doing that?” The other nurse replied, “Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here!”
Hope your holiday was heartwarming with family and friends … and now get ready for the next one! Be happy … be healthy … do good deeds! Aloha … a hui hou.