Yep it is tax time … ugh! I could get real naughty, but I know the editor would edit, so let’s try this first one! Doctor: “I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse? Patient: “I was just following your orders, Doc!” Doctor: “Uh, what are you talking about? Following my orders? I gave you no such orders!” Patient: “You told me to avoid people who irritate me!”
Many of you liked the church signs so much I will share several more: Love is Grand! Divorce is Twenty Grand! … Forgive Your Enemies. It Messes With Their Heads! … Honk If You Love Jesus. Text While Driving If You Want To Meet Him! … With All This Rain We Need An Ark! Fear Not! We Noah Guy! .. Adam &Eve. The First People To Not Read the Apple Terms/Conditions! … and the grand finale: Whoever Stole our AC units, Keep at least One ’Cause It Is Hot Where You’re Going!
One day in a local cafe, a woman started shouting, “Help! My daughter is choking! She swallowed a nickel. Please, anyone help!” Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed over, calmly stepped to the young girl, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Out popped the nickel! The man returned to his table as if nothing had happened. “Thank you!” the mother cried. “Tell me, are you a doctor?” “No,” the man replied. “I work for the IRS!” (I reminded you earlier about that time of the year!)
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, holding his tool chest, at the front door. “Lady,” the man announced, “I’m the piano tuner.” The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner!” The man smiled and replied, “I know, but your neighbors did!”
A young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband returning from work. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me!” “My mother?” the husband exclaimed. ”Did she call you?” “No, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it!” The man looked stern, “I see, and where does the insult come in?” “In the P.S.,” she answered. “It said, ‘Dear Alice, don’t forget to give this letter to George!’”
We all can identify with this one! One day I was in the express lane at he grocery store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me was pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned he woman to come forward, looked into her cart and asked sweetly, “So, which six items would you like to buy?”
Time to close my friends. This last one is perfect timing with our legislators busy, busy, busy! The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they have passed! Ouch!
Be well, be happy, don’t worry. Aloha … a hui hou.