I thought I’d done just about everything.
I’d climbed Maunakea, rode big waves, sank in quicksand at the geothermal plant, got married, which was about the same thing. I’d tried everything but public office.
So in the Hawaii Council election of 1994 I threw my hat in the ring, it was an old straw hat but I’d be a shoe-in for Puna Councilman, even though I wore slippahs.
I had no political experience but being married prepared me for the deception and half-truths of a politician. For instance, I’d say, “Out playing poker last night? No way sweetheart, I was conferring with the local gaming commission.”
Or, like a local councilperson, I’d say, “I don’t own a vacation rental except the one that has a manager.” I was ready for public office.
My Puna platform was easy, I hated progress with all the building and such, so I proclaimed I would halt all progress in Puna. Not only would I not allow any new construction, I pledged to tear down buildings that were already there.
I was the Nature Candidate, I would speak for the animals and the trees that could not speak for themselves. Although many Punatics swore that after a hit of medicinal herb they actually conversed with animals, mongooses and feral cats, this was actually a rarity.
Above all, I stood up for the trees and vowed if I were elected not one tree would ever be cut down. I figured enough was being done in the world, so I promised to do nothing. I was the Do Nothing Candidate.
This was back when Puna was a colorful hippie nation, the great District 5. Before it was chopped up into 3 districts, causing Wild West Puna to crumble into the realm of legend. Given up to a calmer, straighter group. No more Sam Six Dogs, Hippie Mickey or Wino Dave, Uncle Luther on a horse, all gone with the wind.
To be the Puna Councilman meant something, kind of like being Sheriff of Dodge City. The place had soul, a land of dust and characters, not like today, with sterile, plastic Longs Drugs and a KTA. It’s Puna Paradise lost.
But someone had to step up and be sheriff, er, councilman. Into this fray I stepped.
In the 1994 Puna Council election there were eight candidates, three Democrats, of which I was one, four Republicans and one whacked out Libertarian.
The four Republicans posed no threat. Back then these were the only four Republicans in Puna. I figured their families might vote for them so they’d get a few votes. The Libertarian was so stoned, the only ones that heard his speeches were the flies buzzing around his head.
The Democrat who won was a silver-haired, dedicated angel named Helene Hale. She contributed much to our island and deserved to win.
The other Democrat, now senator, Russell Rudermann, came in second. I came in third ahead of the four Republicans and the unconscious Libertarian.
When the votes came in I received 168 votes. The local paper reported that it was, “168 who knew Dennis Gregory or 168 who didn’t know him.”
What an island.