Aloha friends and LOL partners! One of my Jewish friends fussed at me for not telling a couple of Jewish jokes, so not to upset him here are two great ones: Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! … There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school!
We have heavy winds coming, so be prepared! A man had an outage and his PC, laptop TV, DVD and iPad were all shut down. Then he discovered his iPhone battery was flat, and to top it off it was raining so hard he couldn’t play golf. So, he went into the kitchen to make coffee and remembered that it too needed power. So, he talked with his wife for a few hours. Afterwards he said, “She seems like a nice person!”
When told the reason for daylight saving time, a wise old Indian once said, “Only an idiot would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom and then have a longer blanket!”
Knowing I am from Texas, my computer expert friend sent this to me: Computer terms, Texas translation. Log on: Making a wood stove hotter … Log off: Add no more wood! … Download: Getting the far wood off the truck … Floppy disk: What you get from trying to carry too much far wood … Ram: That thing that splits the far wood … Windows: What to shut when it’s cold outside! … Byte: What them dang flies do … Chip: Munchies for the TV … Microchips: What’s at the bottom of the munchie bag!
Got a funny letter from college friend: “Hey Shay, I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating and in 14 days I lost two weeks!
“Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me!” I just can’t stop my hands shaking!” Doctor: “Do you drink a lot?” “Not really … I spill most of it!”
Saw this sign the other day in a nonsmoking area of a shop that I loved! “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. After the firemen talk to you, a police officer will appear!”
I saw a rather large woman wearing a t-shirt with “Guess” on it. I pointed to the word and said, “Thyroid problem?” Then I ran!
And to close … Outside a muffler shop, a funny sign read: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming! … One more? A great sign at a Chicago radiator shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s it for this week, my friends. And remember, when nothing goes right, go left! Aloha, a hui hou.