Aloha friends in Kamuela. Yep, last week’s column was a bit “academic” as one of my doctor friends commented. Today will be many LOLs and maybe some iffy-naughty ones!
My tax man told me that the economy is so bad that he couldn’t afford a nervous breakdown. Instead, he put one on layaway!
Bob Hope started a comedy show telling the audience that he had six brothers and that’s how he learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom!
My friend is thinking seriously about opening a store that sells nothing but bagels and donuts. She’s going to call it “Hole Foods!”
Yes, the doctor loves sugar-free Coca-Cola. If I hold a can up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk! Try it sometime … I dare you! Then LOL!
My friend showed me her new baby’s t-shirt. It said: “Glad To Be Out! I Was Running Out Of Womb!”
Beards are back! Have you noticed? Just look at sports players, view men in your favorite restaurant and on the streets. Razor sales are down!
We scientist like studies and statistics. Here’s one for you: People who own a TV have 6 percent less bedroom intimacy. Now, where did they do that study?
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, and one has a pause at the end of a clause. OK, after that one you need to know that I haven’t lost my mind … half of it just wandered off and the other half went looking for it!
I’ve gotten very positive comments about my favorite Portagee jokes, so here are a few more: Did you hear about the Portagee who willed his body to science? Science is contesting the will! … Did you hear about the Portagee who wouldn’t go out with his wife because he heard that she was married? … Manuel and Kimo were driving out Nimitz Highway to the airport. They saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” so they went home! … Did you hear about the Portagee mosquito? It bit Dolly Parton on the arm!
And now for the ending and best of all jokes for this week! Gay marriage legalized on the same day as marijuana makes perfect biblical sense. Leviticus 20:13: ”A man who lays with another man should be stoned.” Our interpretation has just been wrong all these years!
Do good deeds, pick up trash on the roadsides (very carefully) and never regret anything that made you smile! Aloha … a hui hou.