Aloha, my LOL friends. Breaking news for all: I promise not to use the “K-word” in this week’s column. Nothing funny about that!
Let’s start close to home for many of us! I ask you, is 50 plus an older person? Never ask someone over 50 these questions: Do you feel old? … Why are you still single? … Have you had plastic surgery? (yep, female), or is that your natural hair color? If you do, get ready for a few very naughty words from them!
Many of you like the short ones, so here goes: When you are down in the ocean and an eel bites your knee, is that a Moray? … Tried to grab the fog, but I mist! … Irony, the opposite of wrinkly! … and the grand finale: He who laughs last, just didn’t get it!
A foreign trained doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the U.S., so he opens his own clinic and puts up a sign outside. It reads: “Get Treatment For $20. If Not Cured Get Back $100!” An American lawyer thinks this is a farce, but will take $100 any day! Lawyer to doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste! Doctor: “Nurse, bring me medicine from box 22 and put three drops in this patient’s mouth.” Lawyer: “Ugh! This is kerosene!” Doctor: ”Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20!” The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything!” Doctor: “Nurse, bring me box 22 and put three drops in his mouth.” Lawyer: “That is kerosene. You gave me that last time for restoring my taste!” Doctor: “Congrats! You got your memory back. Give me $20!” The fuming lawyer pays him and comes back a week later determined to get back $100! Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak, I can’t see at all.” Doctor: ”Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.” Lawyer (staring at the bill) says, “But this is a $20 bill, not $100!” Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored! Give me $20!” (Yep, one doctor telling a naughty doctor joke!)
Any of you ever done this? Arriving at work, you get out of your car and notice your special coffee cup with the nonslip bottom is still on the roof of your car, where you put it when you unlocked the car door. No wonder so many people were waving at you on your way to work!
And you know you are old when telling the same story over and over. The solution: why not give it a new ending?
Time to close, so here are a few from my Portagee friends: Did you hear about the Portagee who willed his body to science? Science is contesting the will! … Did you hear about the Portagee who wouldn’t go out with his wife because he heard that she was married? … and lastly, did you hear about the Portagee mosquito? It bit Dolly Parton on the arm!
See you next week! Be well, don’t worry, be happy! Aloha, a hui hou.