I just turned 70 and I can’t believe it. No one believes it when they turn 70 and become an official old guy.
No one really tells you about getting older. Someone should have sat me down and told me that someday, you’ll slow down, your stomach will get bigger, and you’ll get sudden aches and pains out of nowhere.
And you start to lose the attraction thing. Once you drooled at the ladies, now you just drool. And the ladies don’t give you those cute little smiles anymore. When you give them yours, they just roll their eyes and say, “No way, brother.”
How the years slip by. Once you travelled to remote places, and now you sit at your place with the remote.
You don’t want to surf anymore because when you catch a wave, it takes five minutes to get to your feet and by then the wave is pau and you’re fumbling on the beach.
No one tells you that the clock runs down secretly behind your back. One day you’re 25 partying all night and dancing till dawn. The next day you’re turning 70 and your big thrill is going to Walmart.
And if you ever felt you looked as good as Elvis, now you look like his bad uncle. You once had long wavy hair, now on your head the tide went out. I’m a teacher and a little kid once said to me, “ Eh, Mistah G, it looks like your hair went on vacation.”
They say to “rage, rage against the dying of the light” and “make hay while the sun shines.” It sounds good in poems but it gets harder and harder to rage and to make hay, whatever that is. It gets harder to lift the groceries into the car. Almost everything gets harder as you get old.
So whatever dreams you have — go for it! One day you’ll run out of gas, now you have a full tank so race down that highway! I raced down many highways, and I still will, after my walker gets out of the shop.
But you don’t have to get old, some never do.
My dad, at 68, was pedaling a bike 100 miles a day on weekends. And what about those old guys who run the Ironman, they’re still buff and the ladies still slim. And Jack Lalanne pulling that tugboat with his teeth, what was he, 99?
Mayor Harry Kim is in his 80s and the day after a heart attack he’s back on the job. Some people just keep on tickin’.
I looked up the population in Kona and found that out of the 25,132 Kona folks, there are 381 men between 70-74. Just a guess, but I bet there’s about 100 fellow 70-year-olds in town. Hi guys! Let’s get together for a round of Metamucil.
There are 418 women in Kona, 70 to 74. That’s about a hundred 70-year-old women. Hey girls, let’s party down!
In Kona in the age group 45 to 49 there are 1,273 men and 1,274 women. One extra lady, maybe we could get together? Nah, I know what she’d say, “No way, brother.”
Dennis Gregory writes a bimonthly column and welcomes your comments at makewavess@yahoo.com