Aloha friends, and yes, it still is Happy Holidaze time!
Let’s begin with a Christmas special: According to the Alaska Dept. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers during the summer, the male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually mid-November. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer as male – from Rudolph to Blitzen – they all had to be female. We should have known this all along when they always were able to find their way!
Now for some “Alody” jokes … Christmas signs spotted in stores in Texas: On the front door of a toy store: “Ho, Ho, Ho spoken here!” … In a bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas!” … Outside a church: “The original Christmas Club!” … On a department store window: Come in and mangle with the crowd! …
and da best: In a weight reducing salon’s window: “24 Shaping Days Until Christmas!”
A resident goes into the post office to buy stamps for their Christmas cards. They say to the clerk, “I would like to purchase 50 Christmas stamps.” The clerk responds, “What denomination?” They says, “Oh dear, has it really come to this! Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist!”
Lani was driving home to the North Shore from a business meeting in Kailua when she saw an elderly woman on the side of the road. She stopped and asked the woman if she needed a ride. The woman gave a silent nod and got in the car. Lani tried to make small talk but the woman just sat silently looking about. She noticed a brown bag in the seat next to Lani and asked, “What’s in the bag?” Lani answered, “It’s a bottle of wine … I got it for my husband.” The older woman was silent for a moment, the spoke with the wisdom of an elder: “Good trade!”
A local business is looking for office help. They put a sign in the window: Help wanted! Must be able to type, use a computer and must be bilingual! A short time afterward a dog trotted inside, looked at the receptionist, wagged his tail and barked at the sign. The office manager was surprised to say the least, but let the dog into his office. The dog immediately went to a typewriter and typed a letter with one paw. He then used the computer and produced a sample spread sheet. Again, the manager was dumbfounded and reminded the dog that the sign said “must be bilingual!” The dog looked at him straight in the face and said “Meow!”
Just a couple more “and how the fight started” and I’m pau! … A man and his wife are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while in bed. He turns to her and says, “Do you want to do the wild thing?” “No,” she answers him. He then says, “Is that your final answer?” She doesn’t even look at him this time and says, “Yes!” So he says, “Then I’d like to phone a friend!” … and then the fight started! One more: His wife was hinting about what she wanted for Christmas. She said, ”I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.” He bought her a shiny new bathroom scale! … and then, yep, the fight started!
Have a grand holiday with your friends and family Be as generous as possible, and please stay sober on the roads! Aloha … a hui hou.