Last week was phenomenal for me! The editor said, “take a rest, Doc”, so I did!
The first three days I was in Vegas where I won a small jackpot poker game! The next four days I was at the Hualalai here on the Big Island with morning massages and golf in the afternoon! I can’t wait for the editor to get the bill for my best vacation in a very long time! (Will he LOL?)
So, now for my real job today! We all love “Out of the Mouths” chuckles, so here are a few to start your belly shakes!
*** A teacher wrote this sentence on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months!” “How can I correct this?” she then asked her class. “Get a new boyfriend,” little Johnny yelled!
*** Teacher: “Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word geometry.” Johnny thought for a moment, then replied: “The tiny seed grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, ‘Gee, I’m a tree!’”
*** Johnny’s newborn baby sister just would not stop crying one morning. Annoyed, Johnny asked his Mom where they had gotten her. “From Heaven,” replied the mother. “Well, I can see why they threw her out!”
A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch. However, the teacher gave him an arrogant face and said: A swan shan’t be friends with a pig!” After a pause, the student said, “Then I shall fly on!”
The teacher was upset and determined to fail that student! So, at the oral exam, the teacher gave that student the hardest questions and he answered them all! The teacher then asked, “You’re walking on a road and find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?” “The gold!!” asserted the student! The teacher replied, “I don’t agree! I’d choose cleverness because it is more important than money! The student then whipped, “Everyone would choose what they don’t have!”
The teacher turns red and is so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper! The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he soon returns, gives his paper back and says to the teacher, “Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!”
My favorites tweets are from Bette Midler (a Honolulu lady, you know!).
On President’s Day she tweeted: “It’s president’s day … Whoop-de-do. Just reminds me that we don’t have one!” Couple more shorties and we’re pau.
*** Crushing pop cans can be soda pressing!
*** I scream, you scream … the police come and it’s very awkward!
*** Just what do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants? It is impossible to reduce weight by eating grass and salads and walking!
…. and the grande finale! *** Life without plastic is possible!! It’s just very hard. Go ahead! I’m gonna try! How about you?
Aloha, a hui hou.