Aloha, all, yep, a little quick knock-knock to get us started: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ya! Ya-who? Wow, you sure are excited to see me!
• One more? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Gosh, don’t cry. It’s just a corny joke!
Now, while I have your attention, I want to say mahalo to our editor for letting me “advertise” my second poetry book. Yes, I just published my second one, “Soular Rainbows.” It is available at the Waimea General Store in Waimea and also on line: www.bookshawaii.net.
As with my first book, “Soular Energy,” all proceeds from the sale of the book are donated to Camp Anuenue, a summer camp on Oahu for children with cancer. My granddaughter attended and it to normalized her life. My favorite line from the title poem: “Be the rainbow in someone’s cloud today.”
OK, now I hope I have your attention, as it is time for real therapy!
• A young investment banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So, he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for his suit. A week later he returned for his first fitting. He put on the suit and thought he looked great and felt he could do great business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed there were no pockets. He immediately spoke to the tailor who asked him, “Did you tell me you were a banker?”
The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”
To this the tailor responded, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”
• A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding and recklessly driving down the main street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain!”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But officer, I just wanted to say … ”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail! Man, you were speeding, no ID, and may be drunk!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he returns.
“Don’t count on it,” answers the man in the cell. “I’m the groom!”
Thanks to our vets for some great cat signs and jokes:
• Sign at an animal hospital: “If sleeping was an Olympic sport, my cat would win a gold medal!”
• In ancient times, cats were worshiped as gods. They have not forgotten!
• What is a cat tantrum? A hissy fit!
• Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but CATSCAN.
• Dogs have owners…Cats have staff!
• If the Earth was flat, cats would push everything off it.
And the grande finale …
• Cat puns just freak meowt! Seriously, I’m not kitten.
Back to knock-knock jokes?
• Knock-knock. Who’s there? Justin! Justin who? Just in time for wine!
• Knock-knock. Who’s there? Annie! Annie who? Annie one you like?
• Knock-knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody love me?
And the finale …
• Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cook. Cook who? Hey pal, who you calling cuckoo?
I think that we’re finished for today. Remember what my poem said: “Be the rainbow in someone’s cloud today.” Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today