Aloha all, and are you ready for your LOLs for da week?
• I meant to send this one before Turkey day, but with the next big holiday coming, it still is great advice: Trust your gut, but keep some antacid tablets handy!
• Why does a turkey cross the road before holidays? He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
• What would mothers most like to make on Christmas dinner? Good restaurant reservations!
• Why are you likely to be stopped by a policeman on your way home from a Christmas party? Because you exceeded your feed limit by an amazing number!
• What if your turkey does not properly bake on Christmas Day? I have no idea but I suspect fowl play! Enough?
• A man is sitting on a stool in the kitchen looking at something on the counter and says to his wife, “The internet is so fascinating.”
The wife responds, “That’s a microwave, honey, I told you that yesterday and you continue to not listen to me! (Familiar?)
• An elderly couple are sitting on their porch swing talking. He says to her, “Honey, in the moonlight your teeth look like pearls.”
She angrily replies, “Who is Pearl and what were you doing in the moonlight with her?!”
• Now and then when looking for new and healthy medical advise I run into something very practical. Like the following: NIKSEN. This is the Dutch art of purposefully doing nothing. Yep, the Dutch have perfected this art of mindfully doing nothing and it may contribute to their overall high well-being ranking. Try it!
• A distraught senior citizen phones her doctor’s office and is adamant about speeking to the doctor. He greats her and she then screams, “I need to know that the medicine you prescribed for me today has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” replied the doctor.
After a moment of silence, the woman says, “I’m just wondering then, just how serious is my condition, because the prescription is marked, ‘No refills!’
• A shortie? Doctor to an elderly patient when talking about healthy exercise: “Sorry, but the handle on your recliner does not qualify as an exercise machine.”
Time to close, my friends …
• What is something that is red and bad for your face? A brick!
• If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. They’re 90 degrees.
And da finale …
• How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Able.
Reach out to friends and family! Be well, LOL, aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.