As the Big Island of Hawaii, I’d like to make a few New Year’s resolutions of my own. Here they are:
In the new year, I will pave all the bad roads like Hina Lani that’s so bad your teeth rattle all the way down to Costco.
I also promise to mow all the little weeds that stick up through the cracks in the side streets.
And I will ease the Kainaliu Crawl if I have to build another highway on top of the one that’s already there.
In the new year, I will have more than one Post Office for the whole town of Kona, and more than one branch of a bank. This is so you don’t wait in a line stretching clear into the Post Office parking lot.
In all banks, I will have more than one teller for 55 customers in line.
And I promise to deliver the mail before 10 at night on Monday and Friday.
I will inform everyone that it costs $12 an hour to park in most places in downtown Kona, and encourage them to find free places to park.
In the new year, I will have more than one worker at the DMV so you don’t have to sit on a bench for six hours to renew your license.
I will have a real person and not a robot answer the phone when you call the county, and have them call you back in less than 45 days.
In the new year, I promise to find out what the word “Mira” means blasting over the loudspeaker at Safeway, and if it’s a subliminal message to get you to buy things.
I will get rid of all roosters that wake you up at 3 in the morning and transport them to a faraway place where no one will hear their ungodly screeching. I will have a real animal control person you can call who will come and remove any rooster driving the neighborhood nuts.
I will stop charging $20 a car to get into state parks.
In the new year, I will ask Matsuyama how many more stores he will build on the highway and limit him to 10 or so.
I will make it a law that they can’t raise the price of ahi to $35 a pound at New Year’s. I will only allow one sparkler per person on New Year’s Eve.
I will actually, really for sure start building the park for the homeless they’ve been promising since Harry Kim was mayor.
In the new year, I promise to ask everyone to share much aloha and shoot the shaka to everyone they meet. Happy New Year!
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at makewavess@yahoo.com