What will we be in store for with political humor in the coming age of Hillary? I am as anxious as you folks out there. But until that time, try this one on: “The only reason Trump opens his mouth is to change feet! And all this commotion about e-mails? Come on now, an e-mail is like sending a postcard marked “Confidential!” Hack away, gang. Now let’s LOL!
“Pilates? Oh, no way,” my friend said. “I thought it was pie and lattes!”
If my body were a car, I’d trade it in for a newer model. Every time I cough, sneeze or sputter, my radiator leaks and my … well, you fill in the rest!
Doctor talking to his patient after his annual check-up: “You must cut back on the donuts! Your eyes are glazed and you have gained 50 pounds!”
Medical school professor talking to his group of fourth-year medical students: “The next part of your stress test will involve dealing with a malpractice lawyer! First, though, is to practice signing disclaimers!”
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a 10-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height to 20 feet, but again the next morning the kangaroo was roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 60 feet high! Finally the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?” The kangaroo replied, “Probably 100 feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!” Some animals got smarts!
Howze about some local LOLs? A __________ was playing Trivial Pursuit one night with some friends from Honokaa. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She pondered and pondered, scratched her head and then asked: “Is it on or off?”
Kimo was visiting his lady friend who had recently acquired two new dogs. He asked her what were their names were. The friend responded by saying one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex. Kimo said, “Who ever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” The lady replied with excitement, “They are watch dogs!”
Now for some brief “one-liners” … Two church going politicians have written a book. It’s title: “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.” … Sometimes my mind works like lightening. One brilliant flash and it is gone! … I hate sex in movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice really chilled the mood! … And the grand finale: I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to find it!
Be well my friends … Live Aloha! A hui hou.