Think I’ll send this “rant” to Washington. Whatcha think? Do you know why a banana is like a politician? They come in and first they’re green; then they turn yellow; and then they’re rotten! I also think Congress members should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors! … and now some LOLs from my favorite Phyllis D.
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight! … Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance! … A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once! … Most children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going! … My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee! One more? … The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron!
A man is at work and notices that one of his co-workers is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense!” So, the man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings these days.” “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck!” … yep, a bit naughty …
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one!” The next time for change came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. “Oh, I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby! … and now for a very “local” LOL:
A married couple was vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii. They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was “Havaii.” The man’s wife was delighted and thanked the man. The man responded “You’re velcome!”
Some actual words from South Carolina troopers taken off their car videos: You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through! … Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they are new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while!” … You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket I’m giving you, huh?” … and the grade finale … I’m glad to hear that the chief of police is a personal friend of yours. So, you know someone who can post your bail!” … about time to close with yard signs:
So, when is this “OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER” supposed to kick in? … Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are! … I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time! … Calm down, take a deep breath and and hold it for about 20 minutes! … and the best one: Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a look around and realize, maybe I already am!
I wish all of you a most enjoyable day! May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends that care. Aloha … a hui hou.