Yep folks, laughter is what we all need these days of serious disasters. My kinfolks are mostly in Texas, so I have been sending them as many appropriate jokes as possible. Thus no article last week, or did you notice? Keep reading and I will make it up to you. This first one is from my cousin who lived in Rockport and now is staying with family in Austin!
Now, see what happens when you name a hurricane after a man? He won’t ask for directions, wanders around lost, leaves a mess and doesn’t clean up after himself. But of course, there are always women (Irma) who try to prove they are better than men. We just must start taking better care of Mother Earth!
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down and the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, so he decided to open her up! As the needle jumped to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights. He thought to himself, “there is no way they can catch a Mercedes!” So he opened her up to 90 mph, then 100 mph, and at that point reality kicked in and he pulled over. The cop came up to his car, smiled and said, “It’s been a very long day and it is Friday the 13th, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go!” The man thought for a second and then said, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back!” “Have a very nice weekend,” said the officer.
Now for the “new modern wedding!” Lilly writes to her father, “Dearest Dad, I am coming home to get married soon, so get out your checkbook! I’m in love with a man who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook had long chats on WhatsApp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we have had two months of our relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessings, good wishes and a really big wedding! Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly. Dad responds, “Like, wow. Really cool! Whatever, I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay for it all through PayPal! And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay! Always, Dad.”
A boss made this man come in for work on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, the boss went to check on the worker and found him having a beer at his desk. He sternly said to the man, “You can’t drink while you are working!” The man replied, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m not working!”
Now for some one-liners: If you think your friends really know you, wait until you see who they try to set you up with! … Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again! … I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog … and now, da grand finale … I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters!
To close now, my Texas cousin received this from a friend in New York: Stay In. Stay Dry. Stay Safe.Pray!
Aloha my friends, a hui hou.