Aloha and let’s get down to business … laughter! Many of you commented to me how much you enjoy medical jokes, so let’s start! A surgeon was discussing a case with a class of medical students. “The muscle in the patient’s right leg has contracted to the point that it is shorter than the muscle in the other leg. Therefore the patient limps!” Pointing to one of the students, he then asked, “What would you do in such a circumstance?” The student replied, “I’d limp too!”
Doctor to a very overweight woman on her annual check-up visit: “I want you to skip three meals a day; you’re getting enough between meals!”
Doctor, greeting an angry patient as she enters his office: “I know you were in the waiting room for three hours, Mrs. Smith. That was your annual stress test!”
“But Dr. Brown, I got a StairMaster last month. I’ve been staring at it ever since, but it hasn’t helped. Just look at your scale. Do you have a magic pill for me?” Yep, one more great one …
In kindergarten class, the teacher asked five-year-old Kimo if he knew where his heart was. Kim thought for a moment and placing his hand on his butt he said, “Right here!” “No Kimo, but what makes you think your heart is back there?” the curious teacher asked. “Well,” Kimo replied, “whenever my Grandma sees me, she pats me back there and says, ‘Bless your little heart!’”
Now for some diet tips: If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories! … If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner! … If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out! … Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories, such as spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate! … Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes caloric leakage!
Psychologists say that women tend to marry men like their fathers. Is that why mothers cry at their daughters’ weddings?
A young girl asked her grandmother how old she was. The grandmother replied, “A lady doesn’t tell her age.” When the child asked how much she weighed the answer was the same. So the child asked her grandfather, and he suggested she look for an opportunity to see grandma’s driver license. Finally, she had a chance to see it and told her grandma, “I know how old you are, and I know how much you weigh, and I also know that you got an ‘F’ in sex!” (Ah yes, out of the mouths of babes!)
Two children are traveling on a transcontinental train with their grandmother. The granddaughter says, “Grandma, what was the name of that last station?” Her grandmother replies, “Don’t bother me, I’m reading. Why do you ask?” The granddaughter says, “Because Billy got off there!”
OK, my friends, time to close … one more! Woman at the cosmetic counter: “I want a perfume my husband will appreciate. Got anything that smells like a fishing trip?!”
Aloha … Be well … a hui hou.