A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in Maine. Each summer he would invite friends to come and visit him. One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit. The friend eagerly agreed, and they had a wonderful time enjoying the natural setting. One morning as they were walking in the woods, they were approached by two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer saw them in time to run for cover, but his Czech friend was not as lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer got in his car, sped to town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily the bears were still there. “He’s in that one!” cried the lawyer pointing to the male bear. “Quick, shoot it!” The sheriff leveled his gun took careful aim and shot the female bear. The bear collapsed to the ground. The startled male fled into the woods! “Why did you do that?” demanded the lawyer, “I said he was in the other bear!” “Exactly,” replied the sheriff. “Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?” (Yep, it gives pathetic new meaning but true?)
Time for some shorties! … If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it is working! … What happened when some dogs went to the flea circus? They stole the show!
A man is telling his friend, ”My wife complains that I never take her anywhere!! So I told her that’s not true. We take a trip around the sun every year.” Yep, and she believed him!
Grandfather: “Son, you’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet!” Grandson: “But these are the only feet I have!” Grandfather: “Fair enough!” (Smart kid!)
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced officer. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering! The officer drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on the corner. The rookie rolled down his window and shouted, “Let’s get off the corner!” No one moved, so he barked again even louder, “Let’s get off the corner!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?” “Pretty good,” replied the veteran officer, “especially since this is a bus stop!”
You know I love da doctor jokes, so here is one that will be familiar to many: The phlebotomist entered a patient’s room in the hospital to draw blood. Noticing an apple on the patient’s nightstand, she remarked, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” “That’s very true,” the patient replied. “I haven’t seen a doctor in three days!”
Near time to close, but I have to ask y’all if you watched the Academy of Country Music Awards last Sunday! Wow, what a show. Also a showing of the breasts of all the women stars, uh I mean the best of the women stars, starting with the MC Reba McEntire. Wow, what a show.
Best I close now with this last one: one of my favorite oxymorons! How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Be well! Be kind … Aloha, a hui hou.