Aloha all you wonderful readers out there. Hope you have a tissue handy, ‘cause this week you will be laughing so hard you’ll be crying! Speaking of which, how many of you were teary-eyed when hearing that Dorothy’s slippers were found? Ah, more fond memories!
Let me share with you some amazing headlines that convince me that we must never get rid of newspapers. On the sports page showing a pitcher throwing the ball: “Rangers get a whiff of Colon!” … In an article about what the mayor said to a group of citizens: “City unsure why the sewer smells!” … With the photo of a men’s singing group, the headline was, “Barbershop singers bring joy to school for the deaf!” One more? Yep, the grand finale: “Parents keep kids home to protest school closure!”
We all know how great America is and the following will bring LOLs: Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance! … Only in America do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front! … Only in America do people order double cheeseburger, large fries and a diet Coke! One more? Only in America do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” in Latin meaning many, and “tics” meaning bloodsucking creatures!
OK, now that leads me to my real political rant for today. Linguistically it has always been right in front of us! The word I now refer to is “trumpery,” meaning deceit, fraud, anything calculated to deceive by false show. Useless matter, rubbish, nonsense. I kid you not my friends, get out your dictionary. And I had better be near closing time.
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside. The elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all the buttons with my elbow?” “What, you are coming empty handed?”
That’s it for today, my friends. Be well and do kind deeds. Aloha, a hui hou.