Attention all readers — the following words will not be used in today’s column: Mueller, probe, Barr, collusion, exonerate, interference, impeach.
Now, you may read on for some real laughter.
Oh, I almost forgot. Did you have a senior moment yesterday? You know, you hid your own Easter Eggs, waited half an hour, then had no clue where you left them? Fortunate for you the grandkids were still visiting!
Now for some great news! There is a new store in Waimea in the KTA shopping center. The name is LIQUID LIFE. I kid you not, that is the real name and the doors are open waiting for you, you and you! My friend called me after he went there and questioned the name. “Doc,” he asked, “is that really their name? They sell NO alcohol! I mean, what?” Yep, instead of liquor, they serve cold-pressed juices!! OK, let’s move on…
My neighbor was looking a bit down yesterday so I asked her if she was OK. She replied: “Today I feel just as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.” Yep, I just gave her a big hug, and she smiled!
Woman is sitting at a bar and a man sits next to her and says: “Outside? Under? To? Around? Over?”
She says: “Are you trying to preposition me?”
Older teen comes home to find a note on the kitchen counter. It reads:
“Unload and reload the dishwasher, then take picture of it. Then walk the dog and the a picture of the two of you. Then send me both pictures and I’ll tell you where the power cord for your XBox is! Thanks, Love you, Dad.”
A preacher told this at his Sunday sermon: The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. Surprise?? It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory, just one byte, then everything crashed.
Singers of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate the baby-boomers. Here are a few of the classics:
• Ringo Starr — I Get By With A Little Help From Depends.
• The BeeGees — How Can You Mend A Broken Hip.
• Roberta Flack — The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
• Paul Simon — Fifty Ways To Love Your Liver.
• Helen Reddy — I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
• The Temptations — Papa’s Got A Kidney Stone.
And the grand finale:
• Willie Nelson — On The Commode Again!
Time is almost up folks…only one more.
A rookie police officer was riding with an experienced officer when a call came for them to check a crowd of people in town. They drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on the corner.
The rookie rolled his window down and yelled: “Let’s get off the corner folks!” No one moved so he said the same thing with his loud speaker. No one moved. He then yelled: “On the count of three I’m taking out my baton.”
Intimidated, people began to leave, casting puzzled glances. Proud of his first official act he asked his partner: “Well, how did I do?”
“Pretty good,” replied the veteran officer, “especially since this is a bus stop!”
Be Well. Do good deeds. Smile often! Aloha, a hui hou.