Aloha folks, hope all is well and you are ready to laugh! Soooo, let’s start with a really good one.
• A doctor had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life. He retired and so she went to the new doctor for her next check-up. As instructed, she brought a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the new doc read through them his eyes grew wide as he saw that grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”
“Yes, they help me sleep at night!”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!”
She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee and said, “Yes dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks. And believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night!”
• Now, answer these for me: If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed? Yes, gives pathetic new meaning!
Some great shorties about dogs, and I know you love ‘em!
• I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of an odd religious cult
• Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
• Properly trained, a man can be a dog’s best friend.
And da best …
• Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. (Did you chuckle just a little bit?)
• Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, “Since we’re in this together, why don’t I move over to your side of the cage?
The female replied, ”No thanks.”
So he went back to his side, but decided once again to make contact. This time he asked, ”I’m sorry, I was too forward before, why don’t we just get to know each other?”
To which she again replied, “No thanks!”
He again retreated, but only for a short while. Again, he went halfway across the cage and said, “Well, we could at least talk.”
This time she replied, “Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean to you. You see, I just learned I have a canarial disease called “Chirpes” and I hear it is untweetable.”
OK, so be careful around ‘em birds!
I have one of the editors to thank for some of these shorties, mahalo!
• The fireworks manufacturer boasted: “My business is booming!”
• The cigar maker said: “My business is going up in smoke.”
• The plumber agreed: “Mine’s going down the drain.”
• The astronomer beamed: “My business is looking up!” … and da finale
• The barber sighed, “It’s been a close shave with mine!”
• Please answer this for me: Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Be well, do good deeds, Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, lives in Waimea and writes a monthly humor column for West Hawaii Today.