What’s the secret to making a marriage last?
If you ask Sean and Pat Wilkinson – Hawaii’s longest-married couple, as recognized in November by the Worldwide Marriage Encounter – the secret is obvious: just make sure to keep your sense of humor.
“A great sense of humor, a wonderful sense of humor,” Pat said. “If you don’t have that, you’re gone. We can joke with each other, we can say whatever we like to each other, but we still love each other. That’s underneath it all.”
The Wilkinsons’ journey through their 70th Valentine’s Day as a married couple has been a long one with stops all over the world. Sean’s career as an internationally-renowned percussionist took the couple from Dublin, Ireland, through Europe, Canada, Japan, Chicago, Las Vegas, Honolulu and now Kailua-Kona.
“I grew up in Ireland and played a lot of Irish music, but I had a tendency towards jazz,” Sean said. “I was always looking for a place where there would be more jazz players… I joined every jazz crew you could think of. I’m a percussionist; I play vibraphone, xylophone, marimba, drums and timpani. I can play any gig you come up with. Because of that, I would be on-call all over the place.”
Early on, however, Sean had to prove to his bride-to-be’s parents that his career as a musician could support the two of them. Pat’s parents delayed the wedding a year until Sean had paid off his car loan and could make sure he’d have a pension.
“They liked Sean… My parents didn’t think a musician could earn a living,” Pat said. “Being a musician, [my father] just figured that was just something you did to entertain yourself.”
When Sean had proven himself to his future in-laws, he and Pat were married on Sept. 4, 1951. His career took off from there. Sean played with artists including Johnny Cash, Tony Bennett, The Bee Gees, Jerry Lewis and even Lucille Ball. At times while he was on tour, Sean wasn’t always able to bring Pat along. Firm believers in the old proverb ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ this wasn’t a problem for the Wilkinsons.
“He loved to tour,” Pat said of Sean’s travels. “I think it’s a good idea for husbands and wives to get away from each other for a while. Then, when you come back together again, it’s ‘Oh wow! This is good.’”
After playing and traveling with Don Ho in Honolulu, the Wilkinsons made the move to Kailua-Kona more than a decade ago. Sean continued to play the vibraphone at Don’s Mai Tai Bar at the Royal Kona Resort, and the couple transitioned from touring and jet-setting to a more laid-back pace in West Hawaii.
“We love it,” Pat said of living in Kailua-Kona. “We’re not looking to go out to nightclubs, we’re not looking to go out dancing, we’re not looking to go out sitting in bars, with Sean drinking ginger ale. We are at the perfect age to be in Kona.”
And if they were asked to give advice to any newlyweds out there? It’s not about the flowers, or the chocolates, or the cake or even the jewelry. Just make sure to hang onto that sense of humor.
“We love to joke,” Pat said. “I would tell anybody that was thinking of marrying the lovely, handsome fellow that she just met: if he doesn’t have a sense of humor, forget it.”