Dear Annie: I have had all I can take from your female readers who complain about the lack of intimacy from their husbands. You tell them to have their husband’s testosterone checked and seek counseling. Allow me to give you
Dear Annie: I have had all I can take from your female readers who complain about the lack of intimacy from their husbands. You tell them to have their husband’s testosterone checked and seek counseling. Allow me to give you a better answer.
It’s true that men, as they get older and live with their partners for years, might not be as excited about intimacy as in their younger days. That does not mean they are not interested in intimacy. It means they are not interested in their partner.
Here are my questions for those female readers: How big is your rear end? Do you have numerous health issues that make your partner think he is living in a nursing home? Are you out of shape and overweight because you sit, eat and watch TV all day? Do you snore, keeping your partner up most of the night?
I could go on, but I think you get the point. In my opinion, 80 percent of females over the age of 30 are overweight, and a good percentage are obese. Let’s face it. They are not sexy.
So, after 30-plus years of marriage, you look at your spouse, and what else can I say? I know men have issues, too, but we don’t all need to have our testosterone checked if we are not intimately excited by our mate. This does not mean we don’t still love them. — Bob (Location Secret for Obvious Reasons)
Dear Bob: Well, you are certainly frank. But the majority of our sex-deprived male readers have let us know that they would rather be intimate with their 50-plus wives than with anyone else. They want the affection that intimacy provides, regardless of body shape or age. But we are certain you will have provoked our readers, who will be eager to set you straight, so … let the games begin.
Dear Annie: I have a very close family. We are not perfect, but we try to be there for one another when it counts. My in-laws are a different story. They are very self-absorbed. In my family, when someone is seriously ill or hurt, we call and visit and try to help. But when I had surgery, and again when my husband was sick, my in-laws didn’t even phone. In the 20 years that I have known them, they have never done anything remotely thoughtful for us.
When we first married, I tried to be positive by saying they are simply different. I told myself that I owe them my respect because they are my husband’s family. I never complained about them. However, as the years have passed, it’s become harder to tolerate their behavior, and I can no longer hold in my feelings. My husband still thinks we should have his parents over for dinner and holidays, but it’s hard to be around them for an hour, much less an entire evening.
Am I being unfair to my husband? I’m trying to follow your advice and find something to like about my in-laws, and I simply cannot. Could you help me handle it better? — N.Y. Wife
Dear Wife: The only thing you need to like about your in-laws is that they raised your husband, whom you love. And it’s possible that their lack of consideration is less about not caring and more about not knowing how to behave appropriately. Please continue to invite them for holidays and an occasional dinner out of respect for your husband, and work on finding a calm place in your head.
Dear Annie: My brother-in-law has been living with us for nine months. He’s been unemployed for a year. “Ralph” does some work around the house and uses his food stamps for many of his meals, but he’s hit the end of his unemployment benefits. Ralph will not take just any job. In fact, he turned one down, saying it was too hard for him at his age. He’s 61. He simply wants to wait until he’s 62 and then retire.
How do we get him to move out? Ralph won’t even go for free medical care. He hasn’t paid us anything for his upkeep and ignores our message to find a job or go on welfare. He is draining our extra funds. We don’t want him on the street, but we’d like him to be more independent. Any suggestions? — Peeved and Had Enough
Dear Peeved: Ralph apparently believes he’s so close to retirement he is entitled to sponge off others until he gets there. Are there any other family members or friends who might take him in and give you a break? Unless your husband makes it clear to his brother that he can no longer stay rent-free at your home, this will continue, with no guarantee he will suddenly move out when he’s 62. Talk to your husband and decide what type of deadline you are willing to give, and stick to it.
Dear Annie: Here’s a tip for “J,” who asked whether she had to tip the grocery store clerk for help while shopping with her two small children.
Our daughter solved this problem by parking next to the cart return. When she comes out of the store, she can put the kids into the car and return her cart without worry. — Grandma in Illinois
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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