Must start with a share today. I so look forward to changing the date on my “Life’s Little Instruction Calendar,” as some of them are hilarious. Yesterday’s instruction was “Never order corn on the cob on a first date.”
Last week when looking for funny stuffs for Father’s Day I found a book review: 101 So Bad Jokes they’re great Dad jokes. Here are a few:
• What do you call a fish without eyes? FSH!
• What has two butts and kills people? An assassin!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Enough!
In a small cafe the following sign was above the bar area: “We do not have WIFI … talk to each other … pretend it is 1995!
A man drives over to his neighbor’s farmhouse and knocks on the door. A boy, about 8 or 9 years old, opened the door. “Is your Mom or Dad home?”
“No, they went into town.”
“Well, how about your brother Howard?”
The boy responds, “No, he went with Mom and Dad.”
The man was standing, edgy, and shifting from one foot to the other when the boy says: “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one, uh, or I can give my Dad a message for you.”
“Well,” the man says uncomfortably, “I wanted to talk to your Dad about your brother getting my daughter pregnant.”
The boy thought for a moment then said: “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.” (yep, naughty but cute!)
Two birds are flying down a country road and one says to the other, “I haven’t seen a windshield for miles.”
The other bird says: “Well, then you’ll just have to hold it!”
And one for those of you who don’t want to go to, or cannot afford, a doctor just go to the airport and you’ll get a free X-ray and breast exam, and if you mention Al Queda, you’ll get a free colonoscopy!
My friend attended an elderly cousin’s graveside service. Just as the service finished, there was a distant lighting bolt accompanied by a loud burst of rumbling thunder. The elderly husband looked at the pastor and calmly said: “Well, she’s there and it’s His problem now!
A nursery school teacher was taking a station wagon full of kids to the park one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the passenger seat of the truck was a big Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties: “They use him to keep the crowds back,” said one kid. “No,” said another, “he’s just good luck.” A third little girl brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she firmly said, “to find fire hydrants!”
OK, my friends, that’s it for today, pay it forward, aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly column, Laughter Therapy, for West Hawaii Today. It used to run in the North Hawaii News section, which is no longer printed.