Letters to the Editor: September 3, 2021

And the winner is …

You’ve waited and waited. Now it’s time. The 2021 West Island Unwanted Noise Awards (WIUNAs).

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With few visitors here, local Islanders took the initiative this year and scored BIG. In the past 12 months, locals went noise-happy: waking up sleeping babies, disturbing kupuna resting, and shattering the vacations dreams of hundreds of NYC visitors expecting paradise to be quiet. All 2021 nominees should be proud.

Now the awards: First Place 2021 WIUNA – The large orange garbage truck (you know who you are) that prowls Alii Drive, only between 3:30 and 6:30 a.m. during the week, waiting, waiting to cause a cacophony of heavy metal sounds to explode, at just the moment of maximum REM sleep — boom, kaboom, clang, clang, clang, boom, boom — clearing the air for blocks of the unwanted peace that somehow slipped into our west island nighttime paradise. You deserve First Place.

Second place award: Those boom car boys with the noise. How do they do it? Causing buildings to vibrate blocks away while riding with their windows up. What bravery. What nerve. Keep saving up for those hearing aids you’ll be needing.

Third place award: Those under 30s motorcyclists with pipes so straight they sing like standing next to a 747 jetliner blasting off from Kona International. And have you seen this year’s biker’s chicks? Well, they’re as proud as punch. And so must your mamas, as you travel Kona streets waking up neighborhoods, 24/7, for 1/2-mile or more. And don’t worry, scientists say it’ll be years until they come up with a cure.

So, whether it be the lone orange garbage truck at 4 a.m., or the every 15 minutes passersby from our fleet of west island boom cars, or even our 150 west island bikers proud of their pipes … we all live here in paradise. Congratulations to all 2021 WIUNA winners! You alone have managed to drown out the sound of our waves (I wish I could remember what they sound like). Till next year’s WIUNA Awards…

Charlie Woerner

Kailua-Kona

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