This is outrageous!
I read that they’re banning books again, censoring the Bible, novels, poetry, and even fairy tales.
But wait a minute, they might have a point. Have you read what really happens in the stories?
How about the Bible.
The New Testament is fairly tame with Jesus healing people and handing out some great wisdom. Then comes the questionable scene at a wedding reception. They run out of booze and Jesus turns water into wine.
Jesus drinking wine at a party is not a good example. Maybe it is.
The Old Testament is a whole other ball game, filled with wild, bizarre stories. Here are a few good ones.
When Moses heads up the mountain to get the Ten Commandments, his people party like rock stars and wanton women ride a golden calf. A few bento women too. When Moses comes down he is so mad at them he smashes the tablets, but there is a reprint and everything ends up ok.
After that the people of Sodom and Gomorrah act like zombies chasing angels around. King David steals his neighbor’s wife, Bathsheba. The daughters of Lot get their dad drunk, and you don’t want to know what happens next.
The Old Testament should have parental warnings.
Then we come to the classics like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
Huck Finn is a ragged, illiterate teenager who smokes tobacco in a corncob pipe.
Huck’s friend, Tom Sawyer, ditches school and is a con man, or con kid, tricking everyone. They’re a couple of juvenile delinquents, but they have fun.
And what about Peter Pan? The main character is Captain Hook (named Capt. James Hook after Capt. James Cook, sound familiar?) He is an unshaven pirate with no scruples at all.
He tries to poison Peter Pan and kidnaps a girl named Wendy and throws her off his ship into the ocean. Total child abuse.
Then there’s the Wind in the Willows. We all know Mr. Toad, and Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. He was driving a stolen car. Toad’s a car thief. He drives recklessly and crashes into a ditch. He is thrown in jail, but fools the guards and escapes.
Not a good example for the kiddies, but a charming story.
But these are tame compared to the King Arthur Tales. Arthur has a real funny relationship with his sister, and his best friend, Sir Lancelot, runs off with his wife. It’s one big soap opera.
Finally, we have The Canterbury Tales by Geoffery Chaucer.These are bawdy tales people tell each other on the road to Canterbury.
In the story of the Wife of Bath, she gets drunk and wrecks a tavern, The Pardoner sticks his rear end against a door to fool a lady. Every tale is R-rated and hilarious.
Now you know the real stories.They may be wild but that’s what we like to read.
Books are adventures waiting for you to turn the page and get carried away.
At least you’re reading and not on your cell phone, that’s a good thing.
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at makewavess@yahoo.com
