Wednesday, Feb. 28, 2024 |
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In the beginning God created paradise.
It had beautiful forests of mango, banana, and breadfruit trees, just like Hawaii.
Shining rivers flowed through emerald-colored forests. Long white waterfalls streamed down tall mountains, and birds were singing in the valleys.
A bright sun was smiling down, and shining jewels filled the night sky.
This paradise had everything, but God thought it could use a few people to enjoy it all. So God created Adam and Eve and placed them down in the moss covered forest. He patted them on the head and gave his famous speech.
“I give you this paradise to enjoy, eat the mangos, drink the cool water but do not go near that big tree over there, it has really bad fruit.”
Adam and Eve agreed and went on their merry way, wandering happily in the meadows and forests, and swimming in the rivers. They glowed with innocence.
It was perfect, but you know the story. Bad times were coming to Eve and Adam.
One shining day Eve wandered away from Adam and thought she’d go find that tree God was talking about. Soon she saw the strangest sight she could imagine.
There was the tree. Wound around the tree was a big serpent, he was wearing a red hat with the letters MAGA written on it, and wearing a button that said NRA.
He grinned when he saw Eve, and hissed,“Hello, my dear, I have a fabulous gift to give you.”
Eve moved closer, getting curious. The serpent parted the branches and hanging down on a thin vine was a shiny black handgun. Eve jumped back gasping, “What is that?!”
“It’s a fabulous object, if you hold it in your hand you will have the power of life and death, just like the power of God. Here, try it.”
She timidly reached for the handgun and held it in her hand. She felt strange, feeling her innocence draining away, her skin began wrinkling with age.
The serpent hissed, “Go ahead, pull the trigger.” She looked at him and said, “OK, here goes.”
Suddenly there was a deafening “Crack!” The skies got dark with horrible black clouds, cold rain and storms hurled down. The serpent quickly slithered away.
Eve, holding the gun, stood there shivering. Just then Adam came running up.
They both looked up and there was God glowering down at them. He spoke,
“I told you not to go near that tree. You now have the forbidden object with the power of life and death over people. There’s going to be big trouble because of this. Someday many will have this horrible power. You really started something. Now go, leave paradise, you are not worthy.”
Adam and Eve were in rags, and sadly trudged out of paradise.
Many thousands of years later a young couple, Adam and Eve, walked into a gun store.
Behind the counter was a very skinny man in a plaid shirt. He was wearing a red MAGA Hat and an NRA button. He grinned and said, “So you want to buy a gun, good idea, no one will mess with you, if they do, Blammo! You’ll have the power of life and death over people.”
Adam looked over at Eve, smiled and said, “Cool.”
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at email@example.com