MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. — Never mind the NFL. Never mind those winless Tampa Bay and Detroit teams of yesteryear. Never mind these Miami Dolphins pushing past those teams’ historical stench as the worst team in NFL history.
We’re on to bigger things after Sunday’s showing.
Could these Dolphins challenge as the worst sports team ever?
Could they bookend the Perfect Dolphins, the biggest winner in team sports history, with the Imperfect Dolphins, the biggest loser?
Sunday was Exhibit D of the possibilities ahead: The Los Angeles Chargers entered as a 1-2 team missing seven offensive starters and their best player on defense, safety Derwin James.
And, sorry, the Chargers weren’t even close to losing. They could have lost seven more on offense and as long as quarterback Philip Rivers was out there still won, 30-10.
It’s so bad around the Dolphins that just a glimmer of first-half hope was treated like some Little League victory. The first question to quarterback Josh Rosen was whether this was the best half he’s played in his career. Even he seemed taken aback.
“My career?” he said.
Hey, the Dolphins only trailed, 17-10, at that point.
“I don’t know, “ Rosen said. “I would have to think a little bit on that. Maybe.”
Probably not, though. It’s not the players or coaches fault for what’s happening. It’s no fault at all, really. It’s part of the tanking plan. Motto: “If they go low, we go lower.”
They go lowest in second halves when they’ve been outscored, 81-0. That caused running back Kenyan Drake to ask Sunday, “Does anyone know the definition of ‘coming out flat?’ “
If only this was about the Dolphins being two-dimensional flat in places. They overall stink. You’re seeing signs of epic awfulness. At the season’s quarter-pole, they’re tracking the only winless teams in NFL history, 1976 Tampa Bay and 2007 Detroit, like antelopes on the Serengeti plains.
Here’s how bad the Dolphins are: That Tampa Bay team was outscored by an impressive 287 points, the league record. The Dolphins are at minus-137 after four games. At this rate, they’ll blow smoke rings at Tampa Bay as they zoom past.
Next.
Every sport has its benchmark for legendary rot. The NBA has the 2012 Charlotte Bobcats, who went 7-59. There’s a parallel track to the Dolphins here. Charlotte is owned by Michael Jordan, the greatest player ever. The Dolphins, once 17-0, now can look worse than 0-16.
Pro hockey has the 1974-75 Washington Capitals, who went 8-67-5. Sure they were an expansion team. But their coach, Jim Anderson, had to resign after suffering from stomach ulcers caused by stress.
Major League Baseball had the Cleveland Spiders, who as you might remember went 20-134 in 1899. Like the Dolphins, they tanked from the start. “Let the Farce Begin,” a Cleveland newspaper headlined before the first game. (Why didn’t I think of that?)
No, this Dolphins’ season isn’t a farce. It’s a tank job. After Xavien Howard at cornerback, they don’t have better than an average player on their roster. (But, sure, they’ll be good next year.)
“I think I come up here and really say a lot of the same things,” Dolphins coach Brian Flores said after Sunday’s loss. “I think we’re a missed block, a missed tackle, a drop, a missed kick — every week it’s a handful of plays. It’s eight to 10 plays, that if you make them, the game is different.”
Four losses down.
Twelve to go.
The next game will go a long way toward saying if the Dolphins remain in the running for the worst team ever. It’s against the Washington Redskins, who are 0-4, were just hammered by the New York Giants on Sunday and might have turned the franchise over to rookie quarterback Dwayne Haskins.
Meanwhile, it’s a bye week.
The Dolphins might not want one at 0-4.
But you and I need one. The first four weeks made you wonder why you looked forward to the football season. The next 12 might make you fear you never will again.
