Another happy day that I am able to send some laughter your way. So, for those of you not quite awake, I will start with some fun one-liners … Ready? Are you certain you are awake?
My older friend said the she changed her car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now! … My neighbor told me that she didn’t make it to the gym today. And that makes five straight years! She also told me that she no longer calls the bathroom “the John.” She renamed it “Jim” and now feels so much better in saying “I went to the ‘Jim’ this morning!” … Old age is coming at a really bad time for most of us! When I was a child I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation! … The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it!” (Sound familiar?)
Here is my recent favorite, because I can sooo identify. I am now a seenager (senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work! I get an allowance every month … social security! I don’t have a curfew cause I live alone. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have an ID that gets me into bars. The people I hang around with don’t talk about the fear of getting pregnant. Life is great! I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names or e-mail addresses!
A delightful little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of a gas station. As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, ”Sonny, can you tell me where the post office is?” The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.” The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was and then said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your family come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to heaven!” The little boy replied with a chuckle, “You’re kidding me, right? You can’t even find the post office!”
This next one is for all you parents and grandparents who support the kids in their sports! … At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” “Yes, coach,” replied the boy. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together, as a team!?” The boy nodded in the affirmative. “So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, or curse, or act like you want to attack the umpire, or call him bad words. Do you understand all that?” Again the boy nodded in the affirmative and said, “Yes coach!” “Good,” said the coach, “Now go over and explain all that to your grandfather!” … almost time to close … couple “one-liners?”
My wife got a mud pack, and looked great for two days! Then the mud fell off! … I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you! …
One more, I promise!? … My cousin, Mary, always borrowed money from her older brother’s piggy bank, which drove him crazy! One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the freezer. Inside was this note: “Dear sister, I hope you’ll understand, but my capital has been frozen!”
Aloha, my friends. Just remember … be spontaneous! But think about it first! Have a great week … do kind deeds and remember to say “Aloha” and “Mahalo.” Aloha … a hui hou.
