In 1758, George Washington was running for office and served a barrel of rum to the voters to loosen them up. Politicians ever since have used all kinds of tricks to get your vote.
It’s election time again, here’s some tips to guide you through the devious world of politics.
First, never vote for a candidate who puts up a lot of political signs, this shows he or she is trashing the neighborhood. Vote for the one with the fewest amount of signs, they care about the aina.
Next, always vote for the politicians who go on expensive trips to Honolulu paid for by taxpayers. It shows they really know how to live it up, making them interesting people, which is why you voted for them in the first place.
Spending the public’s money for frivolous trips shows they don’t give a darn what people think and think for themselves, another good quality in a politician.
Watch for those candidates who switch parties from Republican to Democrat. One day they’re pro-life and for Trump, and the next day for abortion and food stamps? I don’t think so, they haven’t changed. They seem to have these revelations at election time.
Also, be wary of TV ads showing a candidate schmoozing it up with different walks of life, teachers, students, Hawaiians in a taro patch, dock workers. It’s all staged. No one talks to people like that. The candidate wouldn’t be caught dead in a taro patch or hanging around with guys in hard hats. Go with the one without all the hoopla.
Why do candidates always say they approve this message?” Of course they approve this message, they just spent a week pretending they like taro patches and people in hard hats and spent $10,000 to do it.
Look out for the rags to riches candidate. You know the ones who grew up in a cane shack, with no food, no water, no shoes, and now they have two Mercedes and a live in a mansion. Making money doesn’t always make a good candidate, we found that out.
All you need to run for mayor or council is to be 18 years old and have a pulse. No IQ test or education is required all the way up to president. Anyone with a few signatures, $25, and some luck can be the mayor or a council person. Then they turn around and spend your money for trips to Honolulu.
So, here’s a few suggestions on election day.
Vote for Tulsi Gabbard, she always goes above and beyond the call of duty. And isn’t Brenda Ford a bright light.
For Lieutenant Governor vote for Coco Iwamoto, she wants to raise the minimum wage to $20 an hour. This shows she cares for the underdog or has lost all touch with reality.
For governor we’re going with Gov. David Ige. A story about him.
One morning I was sitting in the West Hawaii Health Clinic when the governor and his entourage walked in. Feeling bold I stood up and walked up to him to shake his hand. I reached out and said, “welcome, sir.” His bodyguards did not wrestle me to the ground, he did not look down his nose and say, “Hello, I’m the governor.” He shook my hand and with a big warm smile said, “Hi, I’m David.”
That’s all you need to know about him. Aloha is alive and well leading our state.
Dennis Gregory approves of this column and welcomes your comments at email@example.com