Aloha friends and beautiful Waimea community. One of my favorite holidays coming very soon: Happy Spook Day! (Yes, I know Columbus Day is really this next week, but that is really not funny.) So, for all we “seasoned citizens,” here is some advice: You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
• You get winded just knocking on a neighbor’s door.
• You ask for high fiber candy
• When the door opens you yell “Trick” or ______ and you can’t remember the rest!
• You are the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker
• People say “Great witch mask,” but you are not wearing a mask!
OK, Happy Halloween!
• My friend complained to me one day that she hated taking her allergy meds. “The stuff makes me groggy!”
So I replied, “Why not stop?”
She responded, “Well, it does work! I’d rather be dopey or sleepy than sneezy.”
• A neighbor calls me a couple days ago and says, “Hey Doc, I got a great one for your column.”
I replied, “Yes, give it to me!”
He said he called his urologist to make an appointment and a woman picked up and said: “This is Urology, can you please hold?”
• My experience in the ER taught me that kids can be so clever when being very honest. One day working in the ER, the nurses were all busy, so I handed my young patient a urine-sample cup and told him to fill it up in the bathroom. A few minutes later he returned to me at the nurses station, holding an empty cup. He says to me: “I didn’t need this after all, There was a toilet in there!”
A young man walked into the music store to buy a CD of Rachmaninoff’s Second Piano Concerto. He found the hip-hop, R&B, Country and Jazz sections, but no area to look for Rachmaninoff. He spoke to the clerk, “Excuse me,” Do you have a classical section?”
After thinking a while, the clerk responded, “You mean like… Elvis?”
And now for we old folks…
• A guy sees an attractive woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says: “Where have you been all my life?”
“Well,” she says, “for the first half of it, I wasn’t even born!” (Careful guys…you never know!)
• Now, when I was really awake this morning , I knew I had two major jobs today: One, to pay bills and two, to write my laughter article. So, guess what I am still doing?
• For a favorite home town joke: My friend in Texas went last week to sign up her Dog, Needy, for welfare. At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare, even with a name like that.”
My friend started explaining that her Dog is unemployed, lazy, speaks very broken ‘barking’ and has no clue who his daddy is. So the clerk looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. Needy gets his first pay check this coming Friday! (Yep, friends…I wouldn’t try that one.)
So, time to close da laughter therapy. Hope you have had enough to last you through the week. If not, and you really need more, look in the mirror! OUCH! Aloha, a hui hou.
