Happy day to all you laughter-addicted folks who send me nasty emails if I miss a week. So here goes. Oh, just to remind you that there is no Laughter Anonymous!
• Yep, we’re having some hot weather even in October. What are we doing to our precious planet? A friend of mine in Tucson said he killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen packed in ice. Better than that, my cousin in Dallas, Texas, tells me that her husband is giving their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter. Ten were men and one was a woman. The captain said one of then had to drop or the rope would break and all would die. The woman spoke and said that she would go because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and was used to making sacrifices with little return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping… OK, so I’m in real trouble for that one. (Did you get it?)
• We’re halfway done and no political rants. You parents should know that our weak economy has taken its toll on the Tooth Fairy. So, explain to your children why the value of the average tooth has fallen from $5 to $3.75. Am I that old that I remember being so excited to get $1?
• My attorney friend was giving some advice to some of us over coffee one morning: “If you can’t find a lawyer who knows the law, find one who knows the judge.”
Can’t leave you all with out some health tips:
• If you put a crouton on your sundae instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad.
• The healthiest part of a doughnut is the hole. But you have to eat the rest of it to get to the hole.
• Please remember that using the handle on your recliner does NOT qualify as exercise.
And the grande finale…
• A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. Now, feeling healthier?
• This last is for we senior citizens, including me. You know you are getting old when your best friend tells you he is having an affair and you ask him if it is being catered. And when you are really old, your life is broken down into segments: Sleeping, Eating, Watching TV and looking for the fricken remote control you had just two minutes ago!
To close with a few fun one-liners:
• “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
• “I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it is hard to pronounce.”
And my all time favorite, as many of you know:
• “Have you had a good laugh today?” If “NO” then say: “Oh, you didn’t look in your mirror!”
Be well, live aloha, a hui hou.
