The election’s coming up, who’s it gonna be?
On one side, you have 11 squabbling, dreamy, frantic Democrats. They remind me of hens in a henhouse, pecking at each other when they should be pecking at President Donald Trump.
The Demo candidates are mediocrity on parade. There’s not a John F. Kennedy or Barack H. Obama among them, except one or two.
They all put down Trump, but that’s so redundant, like constantly reminding us that Al Capone is a gangster, we get it already. It’s depressing knowing that our country is being run by a mob boss.
Trump is the terrible infant, forever throwing tantrums, the bully that roams the playground with his little rascals doing deplorable things to the other kids.
Who will beat him? Let’s view the contenders.
First, there’s Andrew Yang, the sensible man with a ridiculous plan. Giving $2,000 to everyone in America, there’s a down-to-Earth idea, yea right. He’s now being walked offstage to the rubber room. Aloha, Mr. Yang.
Next, Elizabeth Warren, she reminds me of a frustrated school teacher constantly screaming at her students, eyes glowering, ruler in hand to swat at any conservative that comes her way.
She’s always got a plan. She’ll fix everything, wait! That’s Trump’s line. Let Mrs. Warren get back to her classroom and her cowering students.
Then comes Pete Buttigieg. He looks the part. A born president, he’d be good as America’s top man, no if, ands or buts about it. He just might win in the end.
Next, we have Bernie Sanders, the absent-minded professor on steroids. It’s like Doc from “Back To The Future” decided to run for president. He’s running on the unhinged ticket. He flails his arms around so much when he speaks that Hillary Clinton still has bruises on her face from his waving hands.
In America, founded on greed and money-grabbing capitalism, he’s selling socialism and fairness. Good luck, Bernie, there’s nothing fair about America and never will be.
There is Amy Klobucher, a truthful lady. Mike Bloomberg is too serious, Tom Steyer, too strange.
There are two other brave candidates, Michael Bennet and Deval Patrick.
Then we come to Tulsi Gabbard, our Tulsi, Hawaii’s darling. She’s like Snow White with grit. Beauty, brains, toughness, integrity. She’s got it all, keep an eye on Tulsi, maybe not this time, but soon.
So as we wade our way through the clowns, the wackos and wannabes, standing cool and calm in the center of the arena is the ringmaster. The adult, the man with the electric smile, his teeth are so white he was meant to be president.
He’s our only hope, Joe Biden. He’s the only one that can do it, the only one to beat the fat man.
After four years of this mad circus, every morning waking up wondering what crazy stunt our bumbling leader will do today, aren’t you ready for a little calmness and maturity? If so, vote for Joe Biden, or any Democrat, if you don’t, get ready for another four years of the Donald Trump roller coaster ride.
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org