Surely you all enjoyed reading about the accomplishments of our Waimea Middle School graduates. The beautiful smiles on their faces are better than any joke I could ever have written! Kudos!
Three kids were walking home when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting proudly in the front seat was a Dalmatian dog. The oldest little boy guessed that they used the dog to help keep people back from the fire. His sister said she thought the Dalmatian was for good luck. Their little brother said they both were wrong. “They use the dog,” he said, “to help the find the fire hydrants!”
A young grandson asked his grandfather how old he was. The grandpa teasingly replied, “Well, I’m not exactly sure how old I am!” The little boy advised, “You have to look in your underwear Grandpa! Mine says I’m 4-6!” Ah yes, kids nowadays are soooo smart!
Many of you surely are baseball fans and remember Yogi Bear! One game when someone asked Yogi whether a streaker on the baseball diamond was a man or a woman. Yogi replied, ”I don’t know, they had a bag over their head!”
Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps parents off the street and the kids out of the house! … One more Yogi quote? “Baseball is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical!”
An example of an oxymoron is a positive political ad!
Now it’s quiz time … Where is the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom! … What ended in 1896? 1895! … Briefly explain what hard water is! Ice. … To change centimeters to meters you take out the “centi!” … What happens during puberty to a boy? He says goodbye to childhood and enters adultery! … Particles can be in three different states: solid, liquid or gas. In which state do the particles show the most movement? California! … One more? What is the strongest force on earth? Love, yep love!
Sign in airfield: Danger! Helicopters operate in this area! If you find yourself walking towards a big noisy thing with spinning blades, turn around, Einstein!
Sign on a cafe door: Push … if that doesn’t work, pull. If that doesn’t work either that’s because we’re closed!
A wife gives her husband a sign for his business desk that reads: I only do what the voices in my wife’s head tell her to tell me to do!
Sign on a highway: Speed Limit 80 or 85, or maybe 90 but don’t go 100! (OK, what the heck … It’s Texas! … And one more from my birth state: Do not cross this pasture! Unless you can do it in 9 seconds, because the bull can do it in 10!
And to close with for all dog lovers and a notice to people who visit my home: The dog lives here. You don’t! … If you don’t want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture! … Yes, she has some disgusting habits! So do I and so do you. What’s your point? … Of course she smells like a dog. I like her a lot better than I like most people. To you she’s a dog. To me she’s an adopted daughter who is small, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. I have no problem with this. Dogs usually are better than kids. They don’t ask for money, they come when called, they never drive your car, they don’t drink or smoke nor worry about the latest fashion. They don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the puppies!
That’s it my friends! Be well … send aid to those harmed by the volcano! Aloha, a hui hou.
