Aloha friends and family! It is HO HO HO time. Hope you have a delicious eggnog recipe, you know like your mother used to make!
If you have not finished your shopping, here’s a good one just for you: A woman was strolling through an outdoor shopping mall and was shocked to find a small cemetery smack dab in the middle of the parking lot. “Isn’t that odd,” she said to her companion. Her friend did not seem nearly as shocked! “That,” she responded, “is what happens when you shop until you drop!”
A cop stopped a drunk late at night after a Christmas party and asked the man where he was going. “I’m going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,” slurred the drunk! “Really?” replied the cop. “Who’s giving that lecture at one o’clock in the morning?” The man responded loudly: “My wife!”
Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas rather than through the front door? Answer: Because it soots him! … What do you call Santa’s elves? Subordinate clauses!
Here is one for all of you traveling during the holidays! An airplane encountered some turbulence as it started juddering and rocking from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a man in first class, “Would you like a drink?” “Why not?” he replied curtly. “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s been drinking!”
Santa loved this note he found taped to the chimney as he entered little Jimmy’s home. “If you leave a red bike under my Christmas tree, I will give you the antidote for the poison I put in the milk and cookies my mom left out for you!” Signed, Little Jimmy.
Now for some gift wrapping tips for men. Yep, women do it naturally! Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped! If you are giving a hard-to-wrap gift, just skip the wrapping paper. Just put it inside a paper bag and stick one of those cute adhesive bows on it. And you already know that it is not what you give, nor the wrappings, but in this very joyful time of the year. The important thing is that you save the receipt!
You know we all love “out-of-the-mouths-of babes” laughs, so here we go! It was that time during the Christmas service when all the children were asked to come forward. One little girl was wearing a pretty red Christmas dress. The pastor leaned over to her and said, “That’s a very pretty Christmas dress!” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my mother says it’s a bitch to iron!”
Two young boys were waiting in line to talk to Santa at the shopping center when their female friend hopped off Santa’s lap, looked at them and began screaming! “I tried to explain how ‘Peace on Earth’ depends on sustainable consumption, energy independence, a healthy climate and the global empowerment of women, but he just looked at me like I was nuts! Good luck you guys!”
And now to close with one last great one: What does a reindeer say before telling a bad joke? “This one is really gonna sleigh you!”
May you all have a peaceful holiday with family and friends! Give to the needy and you will feel so blessed. Be well … Aloha, a hui hou.
