Laughter Therapy column: 01-28-19

Aloha and happy day! Yep, time marches on, it is almost February, shortest month of the year. I always called it “my month” because my nickname as a child was midget! My response to that … “I’ll show them!”

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. One says, “Dang! I just lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yeah! I’m positive!” One more quickie? **A neutron walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “How much for a beer? Bartender responds: “For you, no charge!”

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An older man is working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet, very young attractive lady. He asked the trainer who was nearby, “What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet young thing over there?” The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I think you should try the ATM machine in the lobby.”

Yes, my friends, when looking for a new place to dine, the restaurant’s name usually is the first thing that gets your attention. Here are a few greats:

* Let’s hope this restaurant is safe-worthy: THAITANIC (Boan Thai)

* Here is what happens if you eat here often: DOUBLE CHIN

* Is this a confession or what: AMMA MESS

* Is this one really a trap? GOOD AND CHEAP RESTAURANT

* Where is the right one? RONG RESTAURANT

* No fortune cookies required here: SOON FAIT … and the grande

* A diner that takes honesty too far: BAD SUSHI

A preacher’s Sunday sermon was “forgive your enemies.” He first asked the congregation how many had forgiven their enemies. About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question! Now about 80 percent held up their hands. He repeated it once more and all responded except one elderly lady. “Mrs. Johnson,” the preacher asked, “are you not willing to forgive your enemies?” “I don’t have any,” she replied.

“You are unusual Mrs. Johnson. How old are you?” “93,” she replied. She then tottered down the isle and said to the congregation: “I have outlived every one of those b******s!”

Now to close with some shorties. *** A sign over a shelf in a health food store: “Diet Water.” Yep, my weight was getting pretty out of control drinking that regular stuff!

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* A huge rottweiler stands over a fence with a sign on the other side that says: “Is there life after death? Jump this fence and find out!

Be well my friends. Be generous to those less fortunate. Aloha, a hui hou.

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