Aloha to all in need of laughter — here goes!
Oh darn, one more week to Easter, so I cannot boil my eggs yet nor tell all those great bunny jokes. You’ll just have to come back. Speaking of coming back…
In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that, no sweat. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could handle that too. When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I definitely deal with that. Now, if you’re mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. Yep, no problem dealing with that. If you’re a bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. YEP — gonna be a bear!
I realized how old I am when telling a young doctor that I’ve actually dialed a rotary phone before while listening to an 8-track, next to a black and white TV with aluminum foil on top of its rabbit-ear antennas.
My friend was telling me that he needed to re-home a dog. He said it was a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. He said if I was interested he’d jump over his neighbor’s fence and get it for me!
An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blond. “I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the man. “Yet I heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there would be no discount on this model!”
“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the salesman. Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later, Grandpa.” (Just never mess with we elders!)
Now for some favorite one-liners:
• A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey.” The horse relies “Sure!”
• Apparently you cannot use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
• If you have 10 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? Really BIG hands.
• What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. One more?
• How does NASA organize a party? They planet!
Ever wonder about those people who spend $5 each on those little bottles of Evian water. Try spelling Evian backward — NAIVE!
Time to close. So, if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs’ — what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Have a great week, do good deeds, and take care of our beautiful land and ocean. Aloha, a hui hou.